Monthly Archives: April 2014

Twenty Four Days

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by in christian, gay, Gay Christian, homosexuality, Marriage, Uncategorized, whosoever

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I am a 51 year old female.  I am a recovering republican, who is actually more libertarian leaning.    I love dogs.  Really I love all animals.  I attend church regularly.  I tithe regularly.  I volunteer my time regularly.  I was saved at a Billy Graham crusade in 1977 and walked down to that huge football field all by myself because I wanted to be in the family of Jesus.  I have not always given my relationship with Jesus the time, attention and faithfulness it deserves, but I have always returned to my basic Christian core beliefs.  I have sung in choirs, taught Sunday school and participated in multiple ministerial outreaches.

I love college football.  I have worked for the same agency since 1987.  I have lived in the same community since 1987.  I pay my taxes and file my taxes on time.  I believe voting is not only a privilege but a responsibility.  I have a grown foster son whom I adore, who makes me proud on a daily basis simply by just being.  I am a stable, law abiding citizen, as well as a good neighbor.

I am getting married in 24 days.  I am marrying a remarkable, loving, compassionate, intelligent, beautiful, God loving woman.  I realize some of you just referred back to the first sentence to double check because you thought you just read I am marrying a woman.  Yes I am marrying a woman. That is the good news.

The bad news is we are being required to travel thousands of miles to get married.  Because of the distance, time and financial obligation it takes, we are being married without many people whom we love and adore in attendance.  We have to arrive 3 days early to declare our intent to marry and then wait 72 hours, thousands of miles from home so we can get married.  We have to get married on a Thursday so logistically we can file our marriage intentions on Monday, wait the required 72 hours, have a ceremony, then get the papers back to the Town Clerk by Friday to register our nuptials.

We will file Federal tax returns as a married couple, and then have to refigure them as single people so we can file our State taxes.  Even through our home State law says it is illegal to file your State taxes with a different marital status then the Federal taxes (talk about a pill in the jam).

I say all of this to say, marriage means something.  Not just to opposite sex folks.  Why are we jumping through all of these hoops, when it is simply easier to go with the status quo and wait for legal marriage to arrive in our home State?  For many reasons, one of which is there are 1138 Federal benefits married couples qualify for that unmarried couples do not.  That in and of itself is a compelling enough reason; but the real reason we decide to do this is because we love each other.  We want to protect each other.

I was recently diagnosed with cancer.  In the hospital, the doctor’s offices, the pathology labs, etc. I did not have a life partner; I had a “sister” or “a person”.  In my home state, when I die, the funeral home has the LEGAL right to deny my life partner the right to make my funeral arrangements.  The hospitals can refuse to allow her to spend the night with me during my multiple surgeries because we are not family.   My biological family who has not spoken to me in years can fight my WILL in court, because she and I are not married and not considered family.

It is ironic to me when over 50% of all marriages are ending in divorce (and were ending at that rate before same-sex marriage became an issue) why is it that same sex marriage is “destroying” the institution of marriage? I have never been able to figure that one out.

Same sex couples have a much harder road to become legally married.  Yet, we still jump through all those hoops, to experience the luxury and wonder of being married.  When opposite sex people are getting married less frequently and waiting longer to get married, same sex couples are begging for the right to be treated as equals.

When opposite sex people have the option of a covenant marriage, which is harder to get out of, and refuse to do it I am puzzled.  If you are not that serious about marriage and are already looking for the easiest way to dissolve it “should things go south” why bother?  My fiancée and I would enter a covenant marriage in a heartbeat … but alas we are not allowed to do so.

I really do not understand why the gay community has to beg to be offered solace and membership in church families, and after repeated rejection we continue to stand at the door and continue to knock.  Hoping one day someone will find us worthy of God’s love, even if the church membership cannot find it in their heart to love us.  We are begging to be allowed to be married.  The fact that we have to beg is pathetic.  We live in a secular world, where legal unions should be available to everyone.  People who are not citizens of this great country are allowed to marry, while gay citizens are not.

If you don’t want us getting married in your churches, I am fine with that.  If you want to make a policy where it is not allowed by your denomination, I am fine with that.  But do not tell me in a secular society I cannot legally do something that other citizens and non-citizens are allowed to do when I work hard, pay my taxes and live a law abiding life.  It is time for that double standard to go.  It is an undue hardship on those of us who want the dream of a marriage.  Who deserve the dream of a marriage.  It is time for same sex couples to be able to get married in their home communities surrounded by people they love and whose support is paramount to them, instead of being forced to travel thousands of miles.

I am a lesbian and I am going to be a wife in a God honoring marriage.   In 24 days I am getting married and I could not be happier or more blessed.

Convenient Legalism

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

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“…it is a mistake to reduce every decision about Christian living to a “Heaven-or-Hell issue.” David K. Bernard

The problem I have with legalism is the inherent hypocrisy. Generally speaking anyone who needs a book of rules to live by, who needs all answers in black and white, has either weak or lazy faith. Now before you jump to some awful conclusion or defense, let me explain. Often times legalism is ONLY applied to things which the individual is uncomfortable. If you are going to be a passenger on the legalism train then be bold enough to take it all the way into the station or jump off the train.

Example #1. If you are the type of person who is going to pull your support from World Vision (10,000 people did just that) and let 10,000 children lose sponsorship , food and material well-being because the organization thought about and then retracted their policy on hiring and/or not firing gays … then take that train all the way in to the station. Stop shopping at Amazon, Dell, Apple, Starbucks, eBay, Nike, Gap, Ben and Jerry’s, Banana Republic, Levis, Microsoft, Johnson and Johnson, Oreos, Orbitz, Cisco, Goldman Sachs, Marriot, Expedia, and countless others; stop using Google, Instagram, Facebook, MasterCard, Citicorp, AT&T and Jet Blue; and for gosh sakes do not ever buy a graham cracker from Honey Maid. You see it is easy to pull sponsorship which does not directly affect you and you feel all puffed up and self-righteous, but to do without something you use day in and day out is difficult. It is easy to sacrifice an unknown child, but not so easy to sacrifice your comfort and convenience. It is hypocritical to pull your financial support from World Vision and continue to shop at these other retailers. Not to mention in your effort to be “right” children are left starving in third world countries who know absolutely nothing about gays or straights and even if they did, could not care less because they can’t concentrate over their growling empty bellies. Righteous indignation that only comes to the surface when it is convenient is not righteous at all.

Example #2. If you are going to refuse to go to the wedding of a loved one because they are gay … then refuse to go the wedding of the person who is divorced, had pre-marital sex, is marrying an unbeliever, is marrying someone of a different religion, etc. It is hypocritical to single out one “sin” as a reason not to attend a wedding.

It is amazing to me how many will use the Bible and God as an excuse to be hurtful and non-supportive of loved ones, BUT only when it is convenient. The convenience of it all really does say much more about the person doing the rejection than the person being rejected. Until biblical literalism becomes a way of life for EVERY part of your life and you are willing to enforce it equally across the board, I respectfully ask you to keep your hate spewing, intolerant, non-supportive opinions to yourself. The double standard of you wanting to enforce your list of rules on everyone’s life BUT your own is outdated and puts your arrogance on stage front and center for everyone to see. Trust me it is not a flattering look.  If you do not believe enough to believe it 100% of the time, you belief is lukewarm. Your belief is a convenience. Your belief is shallow and your God is small.

What if we took the Bible and God at his Word? What if we got on our knees and let God talk to us individually? What if we dared to have a mature relationship with God? I realize that takes much more faith. I realize it is a scary proposition. But if God cannot lead us through the Holy Spirit which Jesus himself said would come to us, then perhaps he is not God at all. If we are relegated to a list of rules thousands of years old, we do not need Jesus Christ or his death on the cross. We might as well be followers of Moses and not Christ. Jesus death on the cross gave us a new covenant. When Jesus ascended into heaven, he left this earth to send us the Holy Spirit to guide us. It is your life. You can chose legalism if you want. But sadly those same rules you judge others by will eventually condemn you to hell as well. And that my friend is a very sad place to be. Very sad indeed.

Don’t Fall Off the Edge of the Earth

16 Wednesday Apr 2014

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Great Article!

Susan Cottrell & FreedHearts

flat-earth-society1 “When Columbus lived, people thought that the earth was flat. They believed the Atlantic Ocean to be filled with monsters large enough to devour their ships, and with fearful waterfalls over which their frail vessels would plunge to destruction. Columbus had to fight these foolish beliefs in order to get men to sail with him. He felt sure the earth was round.” 
- Emma Miler Bolenius, American Schoolbook Author, 1919

In the Medieval cultural mindset, the world was flat. Period. Anyone with any brains at all knew for sure that if you sailed too far, you would fall off the edge of the earth. Period. This picture gives me chills! I KNOW the earth is round, no danger of falling off, I’ve seen the photos taken from the moon. But I still get a little freaked out imagining these ships going over the edge! Yeah, mentally, no prob; emotionally, a…

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Fruits or Fruitloops

10 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by in christian, gay, Gay Christian, homosexuality, Jesus, servant, Uncategorized, whosoever

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You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Matthew 7:16

I had a really great conversation yesterday with a woman whom I respect immensely. She is fair, balanced, knowledgeable and even handed in her approach to spiritual matters, and if I am honest, life in general. This woman is wise beyond her years and is incredibly meek, which I define as velvet covered steel.

I love God and follow Jesus, but I am no theologian. I do not study the scripture as much as I should. I, quite frankly, am a ragamuffin with a checkered past who is embarrassed by the things I have done, the short comings I still have, and struggle from time to time to be more faithful to Jesus every day I live. I am also like any other human, I am more committed sometimes and less other times and I do not always agree with the woman mentioned in the paragraph above. However, as she and I were discussing “gay issues”, we both agreed that being gay was not a salvation, eternity deal breaker for God. We started at the exact same point in our theology, faith and belief system. However, we would venture down a path and would be in agreement to a certain extent and then she would say something to the effect of we have to remember or bring in to the equation what the Bible says. To which I nodded my head and in my heart was in total, absolute agreement. The fly in the jam is that we both deeply believe the Bible says two different things.

Which got me to thinking, what does the Bible say? How do we know what the Bible says? Whose interpretation is correct? Whose essay is the most accurate?

When a person can go to any bookstore and pick up a book which supports just about any stance, on any issue, how do we wade through the mire to get to the truth? For instance, I can go to any Barnes and Noble and in a matter of three aisles find books that say the faiths of Islam, Hindu, Buddha, Jews, Mormons, Catholics or Protestant are all correct and the ONLY way to the hereafter; if in fact there is a hereafter, because there is a book for that too. It can be confusing at best.

So back to my conversation. As this woman and I were talking she said “I think the thing that bothers you most is the hypocrisy”. At first I thought, yes that is it … people want to strain the gnat out of another’s life while swallowing a camel in their own. Yes, that is it! That is what bother me! Case settled.

But the more I pondered her words, I discovered, yes that bothers me; yet it is not what bothers me most. Quite frankly what others say DOES have an effect on me. My feelings can be hurt by critical evaluation or rejection just like anyone else. So when someone tells me I have sin in my life it bothers me. I want to honestly self-reflect, see what is going on and make it a matter of prayer.

You know the old adage we all live in sin, we are sinners fallen from grace, no sin is greater than another, etc. I agree with all that. I agree we are all in a fallen state. I agree I have sin in my life. No argument from me on any of those points.

The problem for me is when people point out a “sin” that is NOT a sin. Just because a person is uncomfortable with something does not make it a sin. Just because a person heard all their life it is a sin, does not make it a sin. Just because a person’s momma or preacher or auntie said it was a sin, does not make it a sin. Just because a person believes something, does not make it truth.

Yes, it is hypocritical of anyone to point out sin in another’s life while they have sin in their own, and she is right, I do not like it. But when you tell me by simply BEING I am sinning, I have a problem with it.   If you are going to point out sin in my life then pick a REAL SIN. Pick out something that can be changed, pick something I can address and become more Christ like.   The solitary fact I am gay does not make me less like Christ.

Tell me I am uncaring, inhospitable, a liar, a cheat, a thief, a gossip, unloving, lazy, prideful, impatient, undisciplined, greedy … something … give me something that can be changed. Do not tell me I am living in sin each and every day when I wake up and draw a breath just because of who I am.

The reason I don’t want to hear this is because I have petitioned God for YEARS, I have cried innumerable tears, I have fasted, I have prayed for hours, I have read books, I have contemplated suicide, I have attempted suicide because death seemed like a relief, I have been excluded from churches and ministries, I have been laughed at and bullied, then at my ropes end I have petitioned God some more, cried some more, prayed some more and guess what … nothing. Silence. Deafening silence.

Instead of giving up in the silence, I leaned in more. I repeated the prayers, the moans, the tears, the fasting, etc. then one day, in my spirit, I heard God whisper … “You are as I have created you. All I ask is for you to be willing and obedient and I will take care of the rest.” Since that day my prayer each and every day I breathe is for God to lead me to do what He would have me do and give me the courage to do it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

My life is not perfect. I am not perfect. I am still a ragamuffin who is saved by grace and lives through mercy. But strangely my life is fuller than it has ever been. My relationship with God is deeper than it has ever been. My ministry to others is more effective than it has ever been. My heart is more expanded and compassionate than it has ever been. My motives are purer than they have ever been. While I have millions of miles to go, I am more Christ like than I have ever been. God is bringing me to a place each and every day that is sweeter than the day before.

So how do we know what is true? When it comes to really difficult decisions or issues within major theological splits we have to remember there were Christians BEFORE there was a Bible. Therefore, there has to be something more than searching scripture and fighting over interpretation. Doesn’t there? Two people look at the same thing and see two different things. To each they speak the truth as they see it. But truth by definition excludes opposing opinions.

This ragamuffin has a humble opinion that what is true is discovered through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Through talking with Him daily. Getting to know him intimately. Christians are Christ followers, by definition. We become more like who we commune with. We become more like what and who we surround ourselves with. So if you are steadily pouring Jesus Christ into your life, guess what … you are going to become more Christ like. If you cannot go straight to the source for the difficult questions then to whom should a person turn?

Like I said previously I am not a theologian, I am simply a human who loves God.   I might be wrong. If I am, I will have eternity to think about it. In the meantime I will take great comfort in reminding myself a tree is known by its fruit. I have dedicated my life to Jesus Christ. I know the fruit that is being produced in my life through Jesus Christ. I know, that I know, that I know what God has brought alive in my heart. I can only pray he brings such things you question and struggle with alive in your heart too.

Maybe, just maybe, we need to be open to the idea that many, many answers may never be found in libraries or concordances or reference manuals, but rather in times of prayer and communion pouring our questioning, doubtful and wounded hearts out to a loving God.  Let’s dare to put feet on our faith and see where God takes us.